Solo dining ...
I am lucky in that I had a lot of experiences early in my life with eating in restaurants by myself. Business travel gets you comfortable with that. I appreciate that it isn’t easy for everyone, but I’m pretty much into date nights with myself. I try for something every couple of weeks.
After bible study class today, I decided it was date night. Took myself to a neighborhood Mexican restaurant … because … street tacos.
I have a gripe, though. Why is it that restaurant hosts, when they see one person waiting to be seated, always ask, “Is this just for one person?” JUST? It ticks me off every time. I want to come back with a snazzy response, but they all sound evil in my head, so I don’t. I’m not irritated if they ask, “Table for one?” or something like that. It is the “just” part … ack! I am not “just” one person. I am totally and completely a kick-ass party of one, thank you very much. Even the best restaurants often have their front person asking that question in that way. And every time, my hackles go up. JUST?
I’d like to think I am not a woman of many pet peeves. But this would be one. Photo by Elliott Stallion on Unsplash
For the record, I’m not all that keen on being asked, “Will anyone be joining you?” either. Shesh, I am not an social oddity – I am just a woman wanting a meal I didn’t have to cook for myself.
Today, dinner was great. It was a comfortable environment. The manager even came by to chat with me a bit.
And … there was dessert. One of the advantages of eating alone is there is no one to judge if you go for dessert. So … fried ice cream it was.
I am not saying it was always easy for me. The first few times eating alone I was in act-it-until-you-are-it mode. I even pretended I was someone else – that someone was a debonair world-traveling woman who dined in five-star restaurants and gourmet out-of-the-way places with secret menu items (I watch far too much Food Network). But I can tell you that in all my years I have had nothing but pleasant experiences, and it became easier and easier (as with anything new and out of our comfort zones).
Anni’s List of Rules for Eating Out Alone
Own it! Don’t hang your head when they ask if the seating is for “just” one person. Look ‘em in the eye and own it. Be that kick-ass party of one.
Be proactive when it comes to where you would like to be seated. I love a good booth myself. It feels a bit less like being in a fishbowl. I admit that, even comfortable with solo dining, I feel like “Exhibit A” if I am in the middle of the dining room surrounded by couples and families. Don’t let them put you in the corner, though! Dining solo can be a Dirty Dancing experience (“no one puts Baby in the corner.”) They want the best tables for couples/groups. Do not accept being placed in the shadows. That’s a really weird form of marginalization.
Take your time with the menu. It gives your body a chance to settle in and become comfortable while focusing on something. Restaurant energy, especially if there are a lot of people around you, can be overwhelming if you live alone. Let yourself get in tune with it. I find it easier to go for an early dinner, as there is less hub-bub. Some folks prefer to have everything picked out ahead of time – but I find the menu-perusing minutes a good way to settle in.
Order salad, soup, or some kind of starter. It can feel a bit like the Twilight Zone between ordering and your entrée arriving. That is a finger-twiddling, maybe-I’ll-check-my-phone period of time for me (see my advice re the phone a couple of rules down from here.)
Look around. Make eye contact with others. You are in a social environment. If that isn’t your thing, then here’s to take-out food. You never know what might happen if you open yourself up to the experience of being with other people. I have had wonderful conversations with other people. If I want silence with my food, I can stay at home and Door Dash.
Warning – The next rule is not a common piece of advice – it is anti-advice going against the grain of more common guidance, but I feel strongly about it …
For God’s sake, don’t be the dweeb huddled in the corner with a book or staring into your phone. Get into the experience and be part of the energy of the restaurant. Don’t be a black hole of “ignore me” in the corner. Get your money’s worth out of the experience. (Disclaimer – The distraction of something to read can be helpful when you are new at eating out alone – but if you are still doing it down the road you might as well be eating at home.)
Last rule - order dessert!
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